I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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