Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish you could order shots online.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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