Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
