We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i out mim tonsoeep
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