you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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