I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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