Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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