I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
