Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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