Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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