you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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