When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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