If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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