Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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