come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
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Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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