I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
