In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
