zippers are such a cool invention
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral