Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.