I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
