you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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