WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
