Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
