Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
