Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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