My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
