: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
