I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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