I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
