I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
