I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
