you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
