i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
