i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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