Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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