Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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