i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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