Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
