Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
