It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
