their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
