Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
