I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
