i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
