I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize