What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
