I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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