this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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