My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
