So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
