I'm gonna have a badass scar
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
