also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
