i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
