how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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