She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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