It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Panties = found
Randomize
