I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
