Say something about gay babies.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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