hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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