Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
