I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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