I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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