That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Pooping to opera.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
