I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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