I need to stop coming to work sober
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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