Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
