69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
