Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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