Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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