I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
