i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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