Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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