The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
