Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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