I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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